Lambrini Liar

Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.

– Voltaire-

To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question of the day. I’m done playing the Victim. I no longer roll over and play dead while someone sticks her stiletto deep into my back. I’d done all that with the Tart and her posse. I may not have grown claws, but I don’t have to be stupid anymore either. I’ve long wiped the "Walk On Me" sign on my forehead.

Now, I don’t claim to be without sin, but I have never ever wished ill or was malicious to anybody in my entire life, whether they deserved it or not. (Exception being the Singaporean Slut, but I think I’m allowed.) I’ve been nothing but the best friend I could be to my friends, and yet, time and time and again, I get slapped in the face.

But like I keep saying – nothing bad lasts forever, and so I grit my teeth to try and see out this storm and wait for the dawn of a new era. I hope it comes soon. Patience has never been one of my virtues….

I have just returned from Ireland. I know what you're thinking - everyone has the same reaction to that – as must the first time reader of this posting, after the last one. How can I blame anyone? No, I didn’t go back for a romantic encounter. And while Connor was in the picture, there is no happy ending to this story. Consider yourselves warned.

It was not a planned visit and it was not for a good reason. And while I was there, I got far more than I bargained for. When I texted Connor to let him know I was on his shores again, I got a furious text message back.

"Don’t call me. You are a Liar."

Never in all my life have I ever been called that. Laughable, I know - given my education and training, but honestly, I can’t lie to save my life. I wouldn’t know how, plus I do not have a poker face. Every emotion is right there for the whole world to see. If I liked someone, I don’t need to blush – I would have what my friends have long called "goo-goo eyes". If I didn’t like someone, they’d know it. There wouldn’t be any pretense of nicety or friendship.

I am just not made that way. What you see is what you get.

I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew what was up, but I gave her a chance anyway. Texting Aoirish immediately, I asked her what the hell was going on. At least she was honest. She admitted she had said some things to O about me that were completely untrue. But she also had the audacity to say "but I honestly didn’t mean for him to tell Connor." Which is total bullshit as those boys were joined at the hip, and told each other every last thing, a fact we both were very much aware of.

Maybe one day I’ll bring myself to put down what lies she spread. I’m just too mad now, and I certainly do not want to add to her crazy fictional account. My reputation has been damaged beyond repair in County Galway. I cannot blame Connor for taking his childhood friend’s word over mine, a girl he knew for all of 2 minutes. But this is not about him, and me – even more than that, this is about a girl who calls herself my friend. I can’t begin to even guess why any friend of mine would ruin such a beautiful memory for me.

I don’t care if its jealousy (she admitted to me she had a big crush on Connor when they were growing up. But seeing as she was with his best friend, I didn’t really think that was an issue anymore.). I’ve been nothing but a good friend to her. I did not deserve this.

Since I returned from Holland, I was already getting some bad vibes off her, but despite what the whole world was telling me, CJ included, I stood by her, maintaining she’d done me no harm. She was a good friend to me. I genuinely liked her, and enjoyed our time together. Yes, she had some negative points, but who didn’t?

I had slowly come to realise when I was in the Netherlands and getting a new outlook in life that she was not a good friend, but one of those emotional vampires. In her own way, she was happy when I was not. It was like she lived off my misery … and I was done being that crutch for her.

I guess in KL, I played the part of her sidekick, the ugly friend, if you will. I always saw our friendship as equal, but you can’t really be equal in a superficial place like KL. When it was just out for drinks, it was grand, but when it came to talking to the boys, being chatted up and bought drinks, her blonde hair and blue eyes pulled more weight. I didn’t mind so much – she was enamoured by the kampung boys, just as I was enamoured by her Bog folk (Irish for country people). I was even amused by this.

Then came to us meeting up in Galway last Christmas. I was no longer the weak Malaysian sidekick, but truly, Vixen in my element. I was confident, I held my head up high and enjoyed the attentions I got everywhere. There was no room for doubt – and believe me, in this town, when we walked into a room, it was my tanned skin, dark curly hair and big smile that got the lads talking, not her dime a dozen bottle blonde.

Okay, so I’m being petty, but she was just plain cruel.

It was what drew Connor to my side – but what should she care, she had a boyfriend in O, and a few more here in KL. I don’t understand why she did what she did, but nevertheless to say, she walked all over my dreams.

To be fair, I do not know Connor well, and he may have not really planned on taking this any further. But I will never know now what would have happened if she didn’t poison his mind.

I don’t see how this can be salvaged. The relationship with the boy, nor the "friendship". The bonds of trust, once broken, are broken forever. I’m done making friends with the world, I’m done inviting strangers into my world and befriending everyone with no sort of screening process. This lesson was a hard lesson to learn, but I have learnt. Like with men, I will be more discerning in all my friendships.

If Rex destroyed my ability to believe in a love ever after, Aoirish has ruined that part of me that was open and trusting to the whole damned world. Things happen for a reason, and I have earned my battle scars.

Never again.

"God save me from my friends – I can protect myself from my enemies." - Proverb-