Bacardi Butterflies

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

"Lucky"

-Colby Caillat & Jason Mraz-

I don’t remember the last time I felt like this.

Like I was walking on air. I’ve had this constant sappy grin on my face and this song is playing on repeat in my mind. I was just complaining to my daily confidant, D, how at the ripe old age of 29, I despaired of ever feeling this way again.

Excited…. butterflies my stomach doing a tribal war-dance. Fun, floaty … dreamy.

Hopeful.

I keep telling myself I couldn’t possibly be in love. It can’t be. I don’t know Driano ... I don't know who he is now. But the imagery in my head is so vivid. Like D said, the bond that we had all those years ago was so strong … surely we can get it back? I don’t hate or resent him for what happened between us. We drifted, it happens to all of us. And yet, in a weird way, I feel like I know him still.

In his daily (DAILY, guys, DAILY!) correspondence with me, I feel the familiarity, the affection, the friendship. Not just that, I fancy him, so much. Like, right down to my gut. He’s travelling at the moment, so I’ve given him a few days before I would worry … I’m TRYING HARD to hold on to the positive feelings (though my more cautious friends are worried about my imagination going at 100miles an hour) – anyway, his last reply ended with, “I need to start dating again”.

I hope he means me.

There I said it. I’m not going to ENTERTAIN any negative vibes until I have to. This could be It … it feels right. I feel so lucky, that everything we’d gone through had circled back to this … and I can be grateful for it. And if we’re meant to be, the feeling is like coming home again.

Driano is no stranger to me. I know him. Jaysus, we grew up together. Driano has that on Rex. We’re both anglophile Malaysians – but whereas we have to speak proper Queen’s English with our British friends, with each other, Driano and I can revert back to the Manglish of our youth. Shared jokes and memories that only ones who grew up together can understand. More so than Rex, with this guy, I am completely, 100% me. I never thought it possible... it never ever even occured to me!

Driano used to live so close to me that not only could I walk to his house, but he used to pick me up on the way to the playground so I/we could walk my dog. Poor deceased Lady, he had such a good time with my posh pedigree pooch. I used to watch him play hockey with the boys, and then he’d walk me back home before it got too dark.

How sweet are those memories? This happened almost every evening whether or not we stayed late at school. Then after dinner, he'd call me (like clockwork, every other day) and we'd talk till we both got sleepy. How many times had I seen through a Friday night with him and talked all the way to dawn on Saturday? Sharing confidences, sharing our hopes and dreams … it was very special. I don't know how I convinced myself it was nothing in those days. What can I say ... I had 0 confidence then. I don't want to make the same mistake again, you know? I feel God has opened the door once again for me, giving me a second chance to have a crack at this ... and I can't let it just go like that!

For all my friends who are so worried about me and running herd trying to tie me down to earth, I thank you – but I have to enjoy this ride. Like D says, “If you don't have a little dream about these things, if you don't have that little bit of hope - you'd be in danger of dismissing something that could potentially be pretty wonderful.”

I just have to know, one way or another. I don't have it in me not to get excited, NOT to give this a chance ... its such a blessing, you know? And I'm HAPPY. I feel like I'm floating on air ... how many 29 year olds can say that?!!! I thought I was done with all this kind of fancy ... I thought I was jaded already.

Not so long ago, one of my oldest friends had looked at me sadly and said, “What happened to you? You used to be one of the most optimistic people I ever knew.”

It hit me right in the gut. And I too, wondered what happened to that girl ….

Regardless what happens next, Driano has given that back to me. He brought back the butterflies And there's a lot so be said for that.

Just that.