Bacardi Butterflies

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

"Lucky"

-Colby Caillat & Jason Mraz-

I don’t remember the last time I felt like this.

Like I was walking on air. I’ve had this constant sappy grin on my face and this song is playing on repeat in my mind. I was just complaining to my daily confidant, D, how at the ripe old age of 29, I despaired of ever feeling this way again.

Excited…. butterflies my stomach doing a tribal war-dance. Fun, floaty … dreamy.

Hopeful.

I keep telling myself I couldn’t possibly be in love. It can’t be. I don’t know Driano ... I don't know who he is now. But the imagery in my head is so vivid. Like D said, the bond that we had all those years ago was so strong … surely we can get it back? I don’t hate or resent him for what happened between us. We drifted, it happens to all of us. And yet, in a weird way, I feel like I know him still.

In his daily (DAILY, guys, DAILY!) correspondence with me, I feel the familiarity, the affection, the friendship. Not just that, I fancy him, so much. Like, right down to my gut. He’s travelling at the moment, so I’ve given him a few days before I would worry … I’m TRYING HARD to hold on to the positive feelings (though my more cautious friends are worried about my imagination going at 100miles an hour) – anyway, his last reply ended with, “I need to start dating again”.

I hope he means me.

There I said it. I’m not going to ENTERTAIN any negative vibes until I have to. This could be It … it feels right. I feel so lucky, that everything we’d gone through had circled back to this … and I can be grateful for it. And if we’re meant to be, the feeling is like coming home again.

Driano is no stranger to me. I know him. Jaysus, we grew up together. Driano has that on Rex. We’re both anglophile Malaysians – but whereas we have to speak proper Queen’s English with our British friends, with each other, Driano and I can revert back to the Manglish of our youth. Shared jokes and memories that only ones who grew up together can understand. More so than Rex, with this guy, I am completely, 100% me. I never thought it possible... it never ever even occured to me!

Driano used to live so close to me that not only could I walk to his house, but he used to pick me up on the way to the playground so I/we could walk my dog. Poor deceased Lady, he had such a good time with my posh pedigree pooch. I used to watch him play hockey with the boys, and then he’d walk me back home before it got too dark.

How sweet are those memories? This happened almost every evening whether or not we stayed late at school. Then after dinner, he'd call me (like clockwork, every other day) and we'd talk till we both got sleepy. How many times had I seen through a Friday night with him and talked all the way to dawn on Saturday? Sharing confidences, sharing our hopes and dreams … it was very special. I don't know how I convinced myself it was nothing in those days. What can I say ... I had 0 confidence then. I don't want to make the same mistake again, you know? I feel God has opened the door once again for me, giving me a second chance to have a crack at this ... and I can't let it just go like that!

For all my friends who are so worried about me and running herd trying to tie me down to earth, I thank you – but I have to enjoy this ride. Like D says, “If you don't have a little dream about these things, if you don't have that little bit of hope - you'd be in danger of dismissing something that could potentially be pretty wonderful.”

I just have to know, one way or another. I don't have it in me not to get excited, NOT to give this a chance ... its such a blessing, you know? And I'm HAPPY. I feel like I'm floating on air ... how many 29 year olds can say that?!!! I thought I was done with all this kind of fancy ... I thought I was jaded already.

Not so long ago, one of my oldest friends had looked at me sadly and said, “What happened to you? You used to be one of the most optimistic people I ever knew.”

It hit me right in the gut. And I too, wondered what happened to that girl ….

Regardless what happens next, Driano has given that back to me. He brought back the butterflies And there's a lot so be said for that.

Just that.

Dom Destiny?

Is it really written in the stars?

"We are merely the star's tennis balls, struck and bandied which way may please them"

Duchess of Malfi, John Webster

Birthday baby ....

I’m not sure what the hell is going on in Vixen land. I just know its come to a turning point. I feel a huge corner has been taken, but where this road leads to, I have no idea. But Someone does!

I know the last thing everyone heard was me going ga-ga over a Frenchman (who turned out to be “a little bit engaged” BAH! Bloody French Bastard!) But it’s kind of difficult to remember all that disappointment in light of recent events...

A week before my birthday, I was starved for excitement; and Aoirish just happened to be there at the right time and right place. (How is it that the Spawn of Satan always knows when you're at your weakest?) What started off as an innocent, quiet dinner (you all should know by now that NOTHING with Aoirish is ever “innocent” or “quiet”) – ended up to be a wild night out at Zouk. (What ELSE is new?!)

I maintain to date I had no idea how much I was drinking. Aoirish, knowing my sensibilities would be diluted with the increasing alcohol intake, made sure my glass was never empty. It culminated in about 20 shots being sent over to our table. Aoirish swore to high heavens she had no idea where they came from, but there they were, and they had to be drunk. I also vaguely recall her saying, “Its only sugar, Vix, drink up!” Tequila shots, they weren’t, but until today, I have no idea what they were!

Later my more sober friend was to tell me not only did she see Aoirish go up to the bar, she also saw her SIGN FOR THE BILL. Bah! A leopard never changes its spots. A good lesson to remember. Especially a snake out of Ireland. It cannot be denied that she is fun, though. Dangerously so.

So, there I was, drunker than I had been in … well, since I was in Galway and stumbled into Connor’s eager arms, (lest we forget, which was also as a result of Aoirish refilling my glass at every opportunity) – when who did I stumble into this very night – but Driano.

You’ll recall me writing about him a long time back, when we found each other on Facebook. He’s based in the UK now, and was often in Holland. But we never did meet up, nor was I even all that bothered to … in the end. I was far more excited about my life in Holland than an unexpected blast from the past.

But now I had 9 months in Malaysia under my belt, and was no longer cheered by my amazing life. I was about to turn 29 (there, I said it!) in exactly a week, and was even MORE depressed by that thought. I hadn’t had a date in 9 months, and my vow of celibacy was going far too well. In fact … I hadn’t even kissed anyone in 9 months.

“Try on a daring mood when it comes to romance as the week gets going! Make the first move. Let a certain something out of the bag. Whether you're coupled up or single, the universe would love to see you acting bold now! Then, a conscious shift in your frame of mind is good for your heart around Thursday and Friday. “

Later I discovered that’s what my horoscope had said. Buoyed by Dutch courage, I was most certainly in a daring mood. Perhaps Driano was not as drunk as I was, but he was all over me too. When he held on to me (as I hung off him in that way drunken girls do), my mind raced over all the possibilities. Later, Aoirish told me, I was a woman on a mission. I had said to her, “I’m going to kiss him.”

…. And I did.

13 years later. What is it with my life? First revisiting my crush with Dr. Dish (someone DRIANO at introduced me to!), and now this. Driano, is the Defining Crush of my life. While Rex may have broken my heart, but Driano introduced me to Men. Is it just that there truly is no men left in KL for me, and I have to just go back to all the boys I’d already liked before?

“On the 9th and 10th, don't worry: there's a lot of romance in store for you. Don't be surprised if you find out the two of you have more in common than you thought -- including a huge crush on each other.”

Eerily, I’d been following my horoscope as it seems to be all about my life. This is something else I read on from that fateful encounter. And I can’t help but wonder … what if it is true? Driano could most certainly be the One. I’d been holding off getting excited because I didn’t hear from him, and he went back to the UK, and I thought that was that. Worse, he not only didn’t acknowledge what happened, he disappeared on me.

Then came my birthday, and he was one of the first few to send me a birthday message. An affectionate, familiar one. And in writing back, we have slowly started to communicate now. I don’t know the 30-year-old Driano. I don’t know what he’s done or who he’s become or how he’s grown up. So far, he seems to be a nicer, more eloquent, confident person than the insecure arrogant macho 16 year old I remembered (and was hopelessly obsessed about.) My feelings are for that 16 year old … but I can’t help but feel the butterflies once again.

It has been oh so long since I felt these butterflies.

He says he hopes to see me when he gets back at Christmas. I just have to wonder at the possibilities. … "Also, you have Jupiter in your true love sector, but Jupiter hasn't been working for you because it was in retrograde since early May. Now, on September 8, Jupiter will bolt forward, and you'll note a bewitching trend start up. For the first time in a long time, all conditions will be right to find true and lasting love. Trust that the universe has not forgotten you, dear Virgo. You are about to be the number one celestial favourite for finding and enjoying true love from now through December."