Whisky Wails

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde

Heard, among the choice phrases from my current object of lust on Friday night:

1. “See all the girls in this club? I could have any one of them.”

(I think it was to tell me, “But I’m standing here with you – so be honoured with this rare privilege I have chosen to bestow upon you, undeserving mortal.”)

2. “You know how rare it is to find a man in this country above 6 feet tall?” (Yes, I’m very well aware, thank you) He looks down at me, smugly. “Well, I’m 6 FEET tall.”

At this, I don’t know to burst out laughing … or bawling my eyes out, for yet again choosing such a winner.

The next one’s my own fault … I goaded him into saying it … I just didn’t think he’d be daft enough to take the bait!

3. “Size 14, thank you very much. You know what they say.” And then proceeded to extol the virtues of having a large foot size.

Yes, I know what they say, large feet … oversized ego.

It was Bart’s birthday celebrations, and I’d been given an eleventh hour invitation. Of course, no one else would see it that way as he’d been talking to Aorish all week about the party.

Not me, take note, but my friend Aoirish. (Warning, this post was written with glasses tinted in green)

I went anyway because I genuinely liked Bart, and I liked being around him and his friends. And truth be told, I wanted to see Chappie again. Also, I was a glutton for punishment. I knew Aoirish was coming on to Lord big time … and I was afraid of him reciprocating. I didn’t want him for myself … but I didn’t want Aoirish to have him either.

Selfish bitch that I was.

The inevitable happened. Lord asked Aoirish out. Meanwhile, the Metro still thinks he’s in with a chance. Another one of the boys – reputedly married even (at least he told us about it!) kept harassing me for info about my friend. Bart spent most of the night (when he wasn’t having the drink shoved down his throat) with his arm around Aoirish.

I can’t stand to play the mate all my life, but yet again, I’ve ended up in this situation. There was more than 5 boys around, and yes, I know I made my feelings clear for 1 of them (… and thank God he wasn’t looking her way either) but did that mean the other 4 get to have crushes on her? Surely that simply just was not fair?

It must be something I’m doing wrong. I just wish I could figure out what it was. I mean, I looked hot. I AM a girly girl, with long hair, short skirts and high heels. And yes, I can pull it off! (I was still over the moon over Liverpool’s win and my Crouchy’s performance yesterday too.)

Aoirish was nicknamed “Emma” after the Spice girls for her big blue eyed, bright blond curled look. Phoenix (who was the married one) turned to me immediately and went, “That makes you Posh.”

I always fancied I’d be the Posh Spice in any gal group. But since one of me can make three of Victoria - you can take skinny out of the equation. But I shall take compliment, thank you.

I take whatever I can get. Haven’t I always? Maybe that has been my mistake. To meekly accept the way things, with no real fight to change things. What ever happened to the Vixen who’d fight against the tide to get to her dreams?

I made conversation with everyone there. I was even nice to the skanks … whoops, I meant Bart’s cousins. Turns out Bart and the Chappie are related, so I guess they are his cousins too. I did stay away from the one girl who was all over Chappie though. After a few glasses of vodka, who knows what I’d say! I think I managed to convince everyone I was on great form … or good form at least.

Then again, I can’t pretend to save my life. What you see is what you get. The first thing Aorish asked me (insightful little thing that she was) was “Why are you so pissed off?”

I managed to convince her it was the Chappie’s cocksure arrogance (and my shame that I was a girl in the club that would definitely have him.). She didn’t show me much sympathy. She was too busy crowing over the Lord’s romantic interest in her. And what about the Metro, the Lord’s good mate, who she was also enjoying a liaison with? What about their friendship spanning over twenty years that she would inevitably fuck up?

Nope, none of my business.

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies...” Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City.

For the first time – to add insult to injury, my favourite, never-fail LBD, failed.